A memory popped up on my facebook page recently. It was from about 8 years ago and I was having a little rant that my eldest had been awake all night having nightmares. I remember it distinctly as it was the beginning of an exhausting period of her life where she grew scared to go to sleep, and evenings escalated into endless upping and downing and reassuring and distraction techniques.
I think she was about 8 at the time. The reason she was kept awake all night was because they had a school assembly about terror attacks. Now, I think I may be in the minority here, I know some of my friends will disagree with me, arguing we should always be open and honest with our children. But as far as I am concerned, there is generally no need to expose a young child to most of what goes on in the world. Maybe honesty is not the best policy?
There is no need to listen to the news together.
There is no need to talk to them about topics like paedophiles, terrorism, murderers.
There is no need to tell them that there are people who will break into your house while you’re asleep and steal your things.
I’m not saying we should be lying to them – just don’t feel you have to tell them everything. Be selective with the truth. Don’t talk to your kids as if they’re adults. They’re not. They’re children. They don’t have the context of adult life.
They want to be happy and feel safe and it’s our job as grown-ups to make sure of that. It’s fine to omit details – leave out huge chunks of what happened to who and why if you want. Unless an event personally impacts their day-to-day life, I don’t see how knowing that the world can be a massive shit show will ultimately be a benefit to them.
Some kids are thick-skinned, others have imaginations that only need a spark to ignite. Some live in a glorious dream-world (lucky things), others are inquisitive question-askers. They’re all different and of course you can’t generalise on how much information to impart, that’s up to us to decide.
Naturally as they get older and more independent they will need to know about certain dangers and how to keep themselves safe. But there’s time for that. Don’t weigh young kids down with adult stress, let’s let them be. Turn the news off, remember who’s in the room when you’re talking adult stuff, and embrace the innocence.
You never know, it might clear your mind a bit too.
Do you agree? Or do you value complete openness with children from day one? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.
Ruth x
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